A Rapture's Delight.

Dammit, dammit, dammit!!

I promised myself I was going to blog more, but it's been a year since my last post and now tomorrow is the rapture and my last post was about pancakes...how profound of me.

Oh well, you can't stop Jesus. So I guess this is my swan song, my final farewell, I am bidding you all adieu (ah-dyu). I'm almost ashamed that my final supper is subway, but it's covered in chipotle sauce so I don't really care.

This goodbye will probably be as cliche as any. Revealing deep dark secrets, stating regrets, complaining about things I have yet to accomplish, places I've never traveled (Really wish I had made it to Tofino). All that stuff you see in movies when people say goodbye. When the rapture does happen though, I am going to have my favorite stuffed elephant under my arms and my laptop, I really hope the afterlife has internet cause if not then what's the point?

I don't think I have many regrets. I maybe would have cut my hair more often in high school...that was a disaster. I thought shoulder length hair made me look cool, the only cool thing about it was the amount of acne it hid...which wasn't a lot cause holy crap did I have a monstrous face.

"No need to look up in the sky to see the moon, just look at Devon's face he's got asteroid scars on his cheeks."

I also would have told off that bitch who said she'd go to prom with me, and then two hours later declined. Bitch, that was low, but what evs I'm glad I didn't take you to prom. You showed up looking like a baked potato wearing tulle...which was an insult, if you weren't aware. Who does that anyways?

"Yeah I'll go to prom with you, that'd be super fun!!...actually let's not, I don't think it's a good idea. I'm a potato and you're a pizza face, we're two food groups that don't mingle."

BITCH!!!! I hope you still have to wear glasses so that when the rapture does happen, and the sun explodes, your lenses get hot and explode in your eyes!!! Ok that's harsh, but that would also be a super cool way to die.

As far as secrets go...I got a few...thousand...and twenty...six. For starters in Grade 7 on the last day of school I was asked if I had scribbled all over the brand new desk behind me, where school bully Adam sat, and I was all like, "No, wasn't me." But in actuality it was totally me. I loved every minute of watching you try to clean off those pencil marks. I was overjoyed that you couldn't clean it properly because I had pressed too hard when vandalizing your desk, making the lead scribbles permanent. You deserved it, you were a dick...you probably still are a dick. And I would do it all over again!

Also, there was a time when my younger sister and I were in the back yard, she was a baby, and I bit her fingers just to see what would happen...apparently it's a lot of screaming and crying. Sorry Teigan, I still love you.

But alas, it all ends tomorrow at 6:00...wait does this happen at eastern or pacific standard time? Or is central? Who even lives in the central part of North America?...oh wait, this rapture prediction just made a lot more sense.

I'll try and call everyone I know tomorrow to say goodbye...but that probably won't happen because I have to try and beat a video game before the sun goes down on our lives!!!

So goodbye, maybe I'll see you all in the afterlife...or perhaps in a second life if we evolve into a whole new species. Either way I am glad to have known you all and hope to see you soon....except Adam, I hate you and I laughed really hard when you got stabbed in Grade 12.

Until next time....oh wait.

DJWr1t3r

P.S. If the rapture doesn't happen I am going to feel so silly on Sunday!