Clothing Racism.

Dear Pink,

I am writing to inform you that you, as a colour, will not become mainstream in the market for men's clothing. I apologize for the hurt and pain this will probably cause, but the majority of the male population does not like you. Not to say you don't have a market out there, you do, but it's very small. Society has painted negative connotations about you that men cannot accept. They cannot drape you over their bodies and feel comfortable about it. You can blame women and little girls for that, it's their fault men don't like you. They've made you cute, adorable, feminine and weak. It isn't fair, I know, you're probably really angry and upset but, there's nothing you can do. Men don't like you because you're pink, it's as simple as that. It hurts me to say this is about clothing racism, it isn't fair to you, but you need to know the truth. It's embarrassing to see you sitting amongst the male accepted colours all bright and obnoxious looking and having no idea what people really think about you. I know you wonder why your friends blue, brown, red, black, grey and green are all being purchased while you stay behind. It's not because they want you to "hold the fort" it's because no one likes you and they're not brave enough to say it to your face, if you even have a face.

Anyways, I am sorry it has come to this. I hope that, in time, you can get passed this and learn to accept that you are and will forever be a colour among women. Take care, and to answer your question...no, you're not invited to my Birthday. You're pink, I'm a dude and I hate you.

Sincerely, D.

P.S. Purple sends it's condolences and a 'I know how you feel' card.

Oh the colour pink. There is this extremely obnoxious knitted sweater at work that is the pinkest thing I have ever seen. And you know this is serious because I'm colour blind and usually confuse pink for being grey or cream. It sits on a table among all these other knitted sweaters which are dark in colour. The pink stack is the highest and untouched while the other piles are dwindled and in need to be refolded. I saw this sweater and thought, "If colours had a personality that pink is either totally embarrassed of itself or completely aloof." I wonder why designers keep trying to make pink happen for men. In my experience with working in clothing retail I know that pink does not sell for men. I also know that they won't quit making pink garments. What makes them decide to try it again and again? Do designers have meetings about the upcoming trends where one guy is belligerent in convincing them that pink is in? Does this one guy say things like,

"Hey you guys, I was praying, meditating and conversing with my inner colour aura and it told me that pink is totally going to happen this year for men. I know you didn't believe me last year when my magic 8-ball said it was going to happen. But this is different, this is my colour aura you guys. Colour auras don't lie."

I don't know how it goes, all I know is that the pink is either sent back to the warehouse or the sales target is directed towards bigger women.

You won't happen pink.

Until then,

DJWr1t3r

Reputation: Pizza Box.

I'm not going to lie. I love Pizza. I think it's best thing to ever be created. Bread with stuff on it, good stuff, oh heaven.

In admitting I love Pizza, I will also admit that I eat it a lot. In fact when I am in school I am usually to busy to realize what food I have stocked in my fridge. More often than not, all that lingers in the tall cold box is condiments and expired condiments!

VARIETY!

Instead of going to town on a jar of mayonnaise with a spoon I opt to order my favorite meal. Pizza! Usually covered in meat, usually accompanied with bread sticks and if available, dips! The euphoria I experience when it arrives is sheer happiness. Then quickly I turn into a raging beast ready to rip apart its prey. I can't tear the box open fast enough. I select the piece closest to me and sloppily extract it and drop it on my plate. I savagely eat it and then go back for more and more. I'm sure if the pizza were a living creature the screams and terror it belts from it's cardboard casing would be heart wrenching and disturbing. I wouldn't care though cause I have warm delicious pizza!!!

The eating of the pizza is quite atrocious as well, I won't describe it, but let's just say I am glad no one can see me eat while alone in the comfort of my own home. It's disgusting. I'm sure people would rather see me eat that mayonnaise with a spoon (goes well with paprika).

The reason for writing this blog is because I have garnered a certain reputation around my apartment building. A reputation I only became aware of recently. A tenant was hosting a little new years get together for everyone in the building. I decided to go cause I was sure there'd be food. I'm not particularly close with any of my neighbours, so they probably knew why I was there. Plus the fact I was mostly hanging out by the snack table. Also mostly because I ate all the oysters wrapped in bacon and people were upset, whatever, it's not my fault people rather waste their time conversing when they can be gorging shamelessly beside a snack table. Plus I left once the food was gone, so I'm a little obvious...shoot me.

Anyways, when I was full and waiting to binge on seconds some neighbours started to talk to me about my schooling. There is nothing I love more than food and talking about me, so I was willing to answer what ever they wanted to know. I told them I was getting my degree in Creative Writing and was asked what sort of writing I would prefer to do. Before I could say anything someone chimed into the conversation,

"You can write about the vast assortment of pizza!"

The room erupted into laughter and I sat there with a stupid grin of confusion on my face. I followed up their laughter with a,

"whaaaat?"

In which I was then informed that I have a reputation among everyone in the building. I am known as 'Pizza Box'. They call me 'Pizza Box' because the vast majority of the pizza boxes stacked outside in the recycling bins belong to me. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Being given a reputation I had no idea I had acquired. I felt a little embarrassed and as if I had to explain myself to everyone until one woman said,

"I envy you. I wish I could eat that much bread and still stay skinny."

That's all I needed to know, that someone envied me and all was well. So they may call me 'Pizza Box'. Let my reputation be known. I will eat you under the table (suggestive?) when it comes to pizza and I am proud of it!

Until then,

DJ Wr1t3r

Back to Blog.

From the words of lyricists mastermind Timbaland,

Its been a long time, long time
I shouldnt have left you, left you
Without a dope beat to step to
Step to, step to, step to
Step to, step to

Without all the steppin...I'm not that fancy on my feet. So blogging...here we are again. It's been two and a half years since I abandoned it. I apologize, I did not realize it's importance until I went back to school. Writing in any form is good for the creative mind. But let's not get pretentious and preachy about how profound we are now that we are in college...not yet at least, I am still awaiting my monocle and wooden pipe in the mail.

Instead, let's speak of the new year and the event that lead me to start a blog again.

I am hopeful that 2010 is going to be great. Hell it's already been memorable for me. The first thing I did was puke my guts out...and I wasn't even drunk...I just coughed really hard and upchucked everything in my stomach. I'm hardcore like that. Most would think that puking isn't very memorable, but I haven't vomited since I was six years old, that was seventeen years ago, so this was pretty special. Especially considering the fact I didn't aim for the toilet and instead puked in the sink. How amateur, right? Nothing says "HAPPY FUCKIN NEW YEAR!!" like scrubbing a mixture of tortilla chips, kahluha and stomach acid out of your sink at 2:00am. I don't know the thought process of those who are literally spilling their guts into a white porcelain sink, but the thoughts going through my head were

a) Now I can't brag about not puking anymore

and

b) I should blog about this.

Priorities...

I almost wish I was wasted then I would not sound so pathetic, but then again the humor would be lost. Thank you lingering cold of 2009 for making me cough so hard that you got me back into blogging.

Until then,

DJ Wr1t3r