Sexual Harassment Lemur.

This is a true story that happened on the evening of April 15, 2010. What you are about to witness is a greatly exaggerated scenario, for entertainment purposes, of events that actually happened ...also to express my anger by making certain people appear below me. Cause I am great dammit!

'Oh Hi there, DJWr1t3r here in the form of a Lemur. This Lemur will be the representation of myself on April 15. Don't mind my breast feeding. I am a very kind person/lemur and I always love to give back to the community, especially the children. We need to nurture and care for our children...for they are the future, correct?'

'Anyways, I figure I should start this whole thing off with one of those story openings...like "It was a dark and stormy night" or "It was a hot summer night" or "It was a cold winter's night", but not sound too cliche about it...so....

'It was a mildly cool and mildly warm spring evening...I think, I can't really be the judge because I was stuck working in a mall. So really it was a dry, over heated evening under florescent lights.

I was working the closing shift at my new job as shoe salesman extraodinaire. I was working with my co worker Jade. For privacy purposes I won't be calling her Jade, instead I will call her Jade Knock-Off. It was our first shift working together and everything was going well. The mall was slow so there weren't many customers wandering the aisles looking to buy. It was a fairly quiet evening.'

'As the hour went by the only activity our store really saw was a confused fly going in and out of our store. I could tell it was going to be a long night with my new friend Jade Knock-Off. But I assumed it was going to be a long night of casual conversation and getting to know one another. That was until something very unexpected happened. Mall security, and this isn't for privacy purposes, this is just me being an asshole...we won't be calling them Mall Security, we'll be calling them Wannabe Cops. Two Wannabe Cops waltzed into our store. Not literally waltzed, but if they did then that'd be kind of cool, they more so just ambled in.'

'Hi, I'm the main Wannabe Cop in this story. I like Bananas, lounging, false accusations and cuddling. One day I hope to catch a real bad guy, then treat him to a nice meal of Spaghetti to celebrate my accomplishments and relevancy. SPAGHETTI!'

'Hello, I'm the second Wannabe Cop in this story. I don't talk at all or do anything, I just like to stand around and look tough regardless of the fact that I look 14 and love scooters. I LOVE scooters!! I also love being irrelevant!'

I greeted the Wannabe Cops with the common courtesy that I greet everyone who enters the store.

"Hello!" I said cheerily

"Hi" Wannabe Cop #1 said not so cheerily. "We have a complaint that's been filed against you."

"What?" I responded confused and bewildered.

"Apparently you were cat-calling to a female customer who walked by your store."

This was my expression of utter shock. I quickly thought in my mind, "Cat Calling? I didn't call anyone a pussy."

'At first I thought it was a joke, but the seriousness of serious Wannabe Cop #1 made it seem all to serious. So I replied...'

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Um, no I didn't."

"I have it on good authority to trust what the woman told me."

Hi, I'm Jade Knock Off, you probably can't tell by my appearance but I am totally shocked right now by these false accusations.

'I wasn't able to think at that time as to why he had it on good authority to trust some stupid idiot who said I was cat-calling to her.

Bitch! Don't flatter yourself!

I did, however, vehemently deny any accusation that was thrown at me.'

"I absolutely did not do any such thing."

'Wannabe Cop #1 didn't really want to hear what I said, he blatantly ignored my words and denial.'

"Just so you know. What you did is a form of sexual harassment and is not tolerated at all in this mall."

'If I wasn't working I would have said what my brain was screaming at the Wannabe Cops....

BIG FUCKING DUH!!!!!!!!!!

But instead had to go down the tamer route and say...'

"Yeah I know that, that's why I didn't do it and that's why I never would do it."

"The woman said that it was a guy who worked in this store."

"Well there are three guys who work in this store, but neither one of us would do any such thing."

"Are they working right now?" He asked.

"No it's just me."

"Well then it was you who called to the customer."

'At this moment I was extremely angry...

My relatively good moral character was being falsely accused of sexual harassment. With no evidence, no proof, only the word of some bitch who is most obviously high on herself, or just high. And these Wannabe Cops do not want to listen to a thing I have to say. They didn't ask me if I in fact called out an obscene remark to a customer, they didn't ask if I had done anything inappropriate. They accused and assumed as soon as they walked in, making this an extremely unfair situation for me. I am innocent, I know I am, as does my co worker Jade Knock Off.'

Hey, Jade Knock Off here once again, just wanted you to know that yes. I am still shocked at this absurdity.

"I did not cat-call to any customer. I know not to do that."

"Alright well, we'll go tell her what you said."

'Wannabe Cop's tone was full of complete and utter lack of faith in any of my words of denial. He had no desire to believe a word I said, but was willing to trust the words of some woman who obviously experienced something and put the blame on me.'

'Now, Jade Knock Off and I thought long and hard as to how someone could think I was cat-calling to them when I was inside my store at all times. When I remembered that at one point I did stick my head out of our store entrance to examine the amount of people in the mall. Like I mentioned earlier the mall was dead, there was no business and I just wanted to see how busy the mall was. That is the only reason I could think of in which I was accused of sexual harassment. I think it maybe went something like this...'

Hi, I'm the stupid bitch who likes to falsely accuse men of sexual harassment. I like snitching, bitching, crying, moaning and being a Top Notch Loser.

'I think that our beautiful Ms.Victim was probably walking through the mall and saw me trying to sell shoes and mistook my body language. You see, as I was doing this...

I like to sell shoes!!

She mistook me for doing this...

Oh baby, I don't know if you've seen dat ass lately, but damn is it fine!! Girl you better do a spin for me so I can see them luscious sugar tits you got on that chest of yours.

'Extreme, I know, but what the hell else did she think I said?'

'So off she went to tell the "proper authorities" of my misbehaviour that never existed in the first place.'

It is so hard being a Wannabe Cop, you have no idea. We walk around a lot, we spy on stores, we wear ear pieces to make us look cool and we make enemies with new workers in the mall. We try to create as unstable an environment as possible. We also blatantly disregard protocol.

Excuse me officer who isn't really an officer, but I would like to a file a complaint against the dashingly charming young man who works in the shoe store at the end of the mall. That sexy ass beast told me my hair was pretty and that is just not ok. I feel sexually assaulted verbally and demand you go talk to him!

What? Are you serious? Ma'am do you have any proof of this? Any evidence at all to back up your claim of sexual harassment towards a mall employee? Now keep in mind this is a very serious accusation, this is sexual harassment we're dealing with. Whoever you are accusing will be known to us as some pervert who will yell obscene remarks to anyone as beautiful as you.

No, I have no proof whatsoever. That bastard was totally cat-calling at me.

That is all the proof we need. Let's go Wannabe Cop #2, we actually have something to do tonight. Miss, Don't worry, we'll go talk to him for you in the most unprofessional manner possible.

'And that is probably how it went down and how I was falsely accused of sexual harassment. I want to file a complaint towards the Wannabe Cops, but don't yet know whether I can or not. The manner was handled to the utmost unprofessionalism. I was not heard, or listened to, I was accused on the sales floor in front of my co worker...

Yeah, still shocked.

...I was also out right blamed without a second thought as to my side of the story...which there was none, because I did not cat-call to anyone.

To be continued.....? Maybe?